A Personal Mask
by Yukio Mustang
Summary: When people see Rin, they see what Rin wants them to see, but who truely is Rin Okumura
1. Chapter 1

**So I am back to writing. Ill try and update my other stories. Sorry its been so long, but i just found my muse. I found it so now im back. Depending on how people react to this story will determine the future of it. If I feel like it will do good, Ill make this into a story. For now its a one shot l. I always listen to what people say.**

It was a boring day. Anyone who had to sit through teacher's droning on about things you already knew would think that. Course no one knew that. I mean why wouldn't people know? If people knew how smart I was, I would surely get moved to at least honor classes, not being stuck in prep* classes. Why don't people know then? Is it because of my past? Is it because of how people would think of me? Is it because of how hard it would be?

No

I could deal with it being difficult. I could deal with my past. I could even deal with how people thought of me.

Well no I'm lying. I care what my brother thinks of me. If I were to act as smart as I am, then that would put pressure on him.

No, it's not just that, I'm using excuses again. The true reason is that I have no idea how he'll react, I can only guess. Happy? Happy to know that his one brother isn't as screw up as people thought. Thankful? Thankful to know that I can actually live in the complex world I am a part of. Regretful? Regretful to know that I had to be called an idiot and live a life of teasing. Saddened? Saddened to know that I felt the need to hide it for years on end. Depressed? Depressed to know that he did not know at all how smart his one and only brother was. Fearful? Fearful because I managed to hide my mind from him for so long. Angry? Angry at me because I never told him in all the years growing up together how smart I was. Betrayal? Betrayal because the person he thought he knew is made up of lies. The list could go on.

But I plan on NEVER finding out Yukio's reaction. If he finds out, he could completely ignore me, or just stop caring and I couldn't live with that. I know that I could get some positive reactions, but the positive reactions are less impactful than the negative reactions, not to mention there could be more negative reactions than positive.

There is another aspect of playing dumb to think of. When I play dumb, I also put up a mask for emotions. When I appear dumb, people do not worry about the fact that I could be manipulating them. When I appear dumb, people ignore my eyes more. I can just put on a smile and people ignore me. If people were to know how smart I am, then they would start to realize I wear a mask. They would see how broken I truly am. And anyone who sees that ends up in deep shit.

So I set up barriers. A barrier for my emotions on the top. It takes majority of the hits, but I can easily rebuild it after I get my mind off of the thing that broke it. Then there is the barrier for my thoughts. This one is paper thin. It tends to cling to my emotional barrier. When that one breaks, I lose control of what I say, so I say what I feel more. Last is the barrier for my knowledge. This one may see to be just the same as the thought barrier, but it is quite different. If that one breaks, my entire mask is broken beyond repair. Because if that one breaks, then everything comes tumbling down. Cause if it manages to break, then I will tell the truth, about myself, about my feelings, about my distrust of people.


	2. Chapter 2

I Appreciate all the reviews. I kind of lost all my papers on this story and all my other stories except for my Undertale fanfiction, which was made me very discouraged. So I finally started writing again. Sorry for the wait. Now for what you came for, Unless you came for author's notes to which I say you're out of luck, the story.

Ghost Flame:yo evil sibling, stop leaving your fanfiction tab open on your phone.

Me: stop going into my phone. You still haven't gotten to watching Blue Exorcist.

Ghost Flame: I did watch a few episodes. But Durarara needs watching. Also you said that you'll watch sword art online.

Me: I've been writing and stuff. You've just been playing csgo. But we argue enough in real life，just do the disclaimer. AND STOP GETTING INTO MY PHONE!

Ghost Flame: Yukio does not own Blue Exorcist. Trust me, they talk about it enough.

Me: really brother.

Ghost Flame:brother from another mother

Me:still siblings from the same mother. Well I manage to kick him off, so on to the story.

* * *

I walk into the classroom for Cram school. So far the day has been like each day before. They just blend together now, me hearing teachers rant away while I stay unfocused doing my own thing.

Lately I've been just drawing. It started with a field of flowers and a river. But as it has gotten worse for me slowly the flowers are wilting. And now that I have my mask up in full force, it's downright dead looking with the river made of blood. It seems I can not hide from myself, cause no matter how much I tell myself that I'm fine, I can see through my lies. I am slowly destroying myself.

I sit in the corner and watch as everyone comes in. They avoid me like the plague. While I'm in the right side of the room next to the windows, they are on the right side near the front. I doodle while Yukio babbles about something I know. I want so desperately to be out of this classroom.

It was hard enough being silent about the fact that I know everything before the forest incident, now it is almost unbearable. People who I thought were my friends make it hard. They said I could trust them, and I thought that they would keep their promised they would trust me, they promised that they were my friend, they promised that they would stand by me, they promised that I could trust them.

 **And they lied**.

They found out about me being the son of satan, and they broke every single promise they made to me. I have always had this mask, but it is not going anywhere now because this just showed even more that I can't trust anyone. I guess I am destined to be alone.

The day finally ends and I go to the dorm. I walk to the roof. I have an mp3 player. It is my most prized possession. Music lets me see

 ** _There's no sunshine_**

 ** _This impossible year_**

 ** _Only black days and sky grey_**

 ** _And clouds full of fear_**

 ** _And storms full of sorrow_**

 ** _That won't disappear_**

 _ **Just typhoons and monsoons**_

 _ **This impossible year**_

 _ **There's no good times**_

 _ **This impossible year**_

 _ **Just a beachfront of bad blood**_

 _ **And a coast that's unclear**_

 _ **All the guests at the party**_

 _ **They're so insincere**_

 _ **They just intrude and exclude**_

 _ **This impossible year**_

 _ **There's no you and me**_

 _ **This impossible year**_

 _ **Only heartache and heartbreak**_

 _ **And gin made of tears**_

 _ **The bitter pill is swallowed**_

 _ **The scars souvenir**_

 _ **That tattoo, your last bruise**_

 _ **This impossible year**_

 _ **There's never air to breathe**_

 _ **There's never in-betweens**_

 _ **These nightmares always hang on past the dream**_

 _ **There's no sunshine**_

 _ **There's no you and me**_

 _ **There's no good times**_

 _ **This impossible year**_

As the song ends I hear Yukio come into the dorm."Rin!" I hear Yukio yell. I don't want to leave the roof so I wait till Yukio comes up here looking for me. He opens the door and says,"There you are Rin, I've been looking for you." "Hey Yukio." I say. I put cheerfulness into my voice even though I feel like shit. I also smile, so he does not see my true feelings. Then again, I have always done that so, I realize to my dismay, I do not know how I truly look happy. I have been like this for so long that I can not remember how I truly sound when I am happy. How my smile looks, how my voice sounds, how my thoughts sound. They have all been faked for years, so I can not say what they truly sound like now when truly felt in the moment. "What are you doing up here Rin?" Yukio asks, and I say automatically, "Not much. Doesn't the sky look so nice." I say to get him off topic. It correlates just enough so he thinks that sky gazing is the reason I came out here, yet it does not correlate enough for him to think that I planned that out as a detraction. "Yes Rin, it does," he says as if he's talking to a young child. "why don't we go inside for some dinner." I get up and head to the kitchen. I cook up dinner and tomorrow's lunch. I put out dinner and put lunch in the freezer. We eat without saying anything to each other. I finish first and put my bowl away. I then walk to our shared room and I pull out my manga. I'm halfway through it when Yukio walks in and insists that I do my homework. I slowly do it, making sure that I mark most of the answers wrong, and I put it away. I lay down and fall asleep, hoping not to dream because I can not stop my subconscious.


	3. Story format AN

**So thanks everyone for pointing out my formating mistakes. I'm so sorry about that. I am currently on a 5 week vacation so I have to type on my phone. when I copied and paste my story into here it got messed up. I am so sorry.** **but the next chapter should be up by next week. I haven't had time to go through it and edit it and author-y stuff. So sorry about that. but I appreciate the compliments I have received. And yes I did read all the comments but only now have I had time to fix the mistakes.** **Welp, I'm going to work on writing.**

 **EDIT: the mobile document manager is broken. so ya, that it not working for me. will try had to fix it**.

 **EDIT 2: I have fixed it now in the desktop edition of . so I have reuploaded it.**


	4. Chapter 3

Thankfully, I was tired enough, so my prayers were answered. I fell asleep last night and next thing I know, Yukio is shaking me awake.

I take breakfast and then hide out on the roof. It is getting harder and harder to do this. To act like I am cheerful, that I am naive. I know that one day this will come crashing down. My only hope is that this comes crashing down when I can afford this to end, not when I can not handle the silence.

I enter cram school. I only want this to be over, I only want to be able to leave.

Yet I know that I can not truly leave. To leave is to abandon my family, to abandon my childhood, to give up hope completely. I am not ready to do that.

So I stay. I stay for my family, I stay for my promise. My promise to show the world the true definition of humanity. That humanity is not determined through heritage, but through actions, words, and intentions.

I notice the world in front of me snap back into focus, my mind drifting from the my mind back to the real world. I take my belongings and leave the class, as the bell rang. I leave the class, but know that more is to come for my torture.

I see Ryuji push me against a locker, with Shima, koneko, Izumo, and Shiemi just standing there. "Stop pretending to be a human." Ryuji says. Crake there goes the two surface barriers.

I feel tears leave my eyes. Just a few words manage to break too much. Just the pretence of not being human made me cry. They don't realize how much it hurts to be called monster and demon every day.

"Only humans can feel emotions, why are you crying?" He says cruelly. "Why do you pretend?" That was the last hit on my barrier. It was weak enough before, but the fact that he says i pretend to be human just is too much. I may pretend, but i pretend for others.

"Why do I pretend? Why do I pretend?" I say, the tears not impacting my voice. "You don't even know who I am! I am a person who sacrificed everything for my family! I watched my FATHER die! I watched my BROTHER point a gun at me! And you know what?! I always let him do what HE wants! I sacrificed my future for my family! I don't pretend to be human, I pretend to be someone who can handle the cruelty of the world!" I yell. But I stop and say in a softer voice, "For people who lied to me. For people who betrayed me." I really realize that I'm not pretending for anyone anymore. I really can let it down now. I can't keep this bottled up any more. I guess I'll have to be without anyone. I yell out my thoughts though,"I'm done pretending now! The only person who realized how much I do is dead. I do not pretend to be human! Being human action based, not genetics! Even people who born human are demons! So you can not say that I AM NOT HUMAN! I AM AS HUMAN AS YUKIO! I MADE PEOPLE THINK I'M STUPID FOR YUKIO! HOW IS THAT NOT BEING HUMAN!" I shout. I have sacrificed so much for others without them even knowing about it. And I just can't keep it all in.

They all stare at me, shock written on their face. I leave them behind, the shock of what happened not quite catching up to me. I get to the roof and just sit there staring at the sky, hoping for it to reveal how to go on.

While not quite sad, I am worried. Well I guess walls are down. I sigh.

I feel a pressure in my chest, and I know what I want to do. It's the only way I can make myself numb enough to keep going on. I know that it's not healthy, but it keeps me sane and going and it keeps people from noticing the strain inside me. One simple color can make everything better for me. One simple thing makes everything bearable, and it shows my flaws.

Last, I'm sorry for the delay. I have been having a hard time with life. But i'm back with a update.


	5. Chapter 4

_**AN: Wow it's been six months since I published a chapter. Well I do still care about this story, its just I've been having rough times. Three stays in a mental hospital and two whole months missed from school does get people stressed. But I'm back. I hope to get another chapter in. Don't worry I havent given up on this story its just Ive been having a hard time. BUT NEVER FEAR, I still do read my pm's and check my email for fav's and follows. I want t othank everyone who stayed on this story and thank anyone new to this story for reading. :D**_

I skip school. The weight of the world a little too heavy on me. The words I spilled too haunting to face. My actions just to much for me to face the impending consequences.

Yukio tried to find me, but I hid in the forest outlining the area. I want some alone time, to first face my thoughts, so that then I can face the future.

I know that I have to go to school today. I have to face the music, as they say. I have to prove to both myself and the exwires that I do not need to hide, that I am NOT weak.

I still skip regular school, not seeing the point. No one even will notice my absence except maybe the teacher. But I enter cram school, I have to keep my resolve firmly in place.

'I will not hide' I say in my head,'I will stop pretending' I repeat, becoming a mantra in my head. I go to the back, not wanting to deal with anyone shifting.

The rest of the exwires file in, not noticing me until Yukio does roll call.

He gives the class a test, course I forgot though he mentioned it last week. 'I will not pretend.' I say as for once I fill out the test with the correct answers for once.

I finish the test first, and I see Ryuji shot me a confused look. I see Yukio grade it. When everyone finishes the test, he passes it back.

"I will call you up to get your test in order from lowest to highest score." He calls up everyone before me. I see Ryuji get confused cause I haven't gotten my test, Yukio says, "The only person to get a hundred, Rin."

I say nothing as I grab the test, but Ryuji shoot me a confused look.

I know Yukio won't push it here, but he will ask at the dorm because he knows something is wrong. Not to mention he didn't hear my outburst, thank God. At least he doesn't know.

Yukio dismisses the class, and I walk out. I see the exwires follow me. "What do you want?" I say in an angry and annoyed voice. I am sick of them. Their betrayal hurt me so badly because I was scared myself. I lost control, I almost hurt them. And they think that apologizing will help now. Nope.

They walk up to me. "Rin, I'm sorr-" "I don't care anymore." I say, and I will actually speak exactly what I am thinking. "You guys are assholes. I thought for once I actually had friends, for once I had someone to count on who wasn't my brother. But you showed that you only care when it's easy for YOU. Do you think waking up, remembering how I almost killed you was easy? No. I almost had a break down. And then to be scorned, for something you never thought was true. It made it ten times worse. Especially when you do not know the full situation. So you know what, I don't even care. I managed elementary school and middle school without friends, why do I need them now?" I say.

"Rin?" Yukio says, I didn't realize he was here. And he said that like he was concerned. He hasn't been concerned for the time I've been alone. He hasn't even talked to me about it or apologized. So I'm done playing nice for anyone. "You know what four eyes, you are worse. You didn't care before, so why care now? I am so sick of people ACTING like they care. Yet every SINGLE moment I need it, it gets thrown back in my face. I'm done with all of you." I walk away.

Dads death flashes before my eyes as I walk, then Yukio on the first day of cram school, pointing a gun at me. Then to all the times I had to walk home with bruises because I wanted Yukio to stop being bullied, just coming home to be blamed. I tried to do everything, but this is the end of the line.

I get to the dorm and move out of our shared room, leaving a note. I move across the building. So far in fact that I have a different kitchen and shower room*.

Ryuji, Shima, Izumo, Koneko, Sheimi, and Yukio stare in shock at what just happened.

"He's right." Shima says. "We are assholes. He obviously was hurt and we ignored it. We never thought of him. "

Yukio breaks out of his shock. And sighs sadly. "I really hurt him. I was suppose to be there for him the most. I'm his twin, damn it. " Yukio says, self blame clear in his voice. "He really meant it too. He wasn't just joking. He has never sworn at people before. We, especially him, knows how much words mean. He doesn't do that without meaning it."

"What do we do Yukio? " Ryuji asks.

"I don't know. He's never said that." Yukio says.

"Yukio?" Izumo says, "why did Rin say that he pretended to be dumb?"

Yukio freezes, his whole body becomes rigid. "What did he say exactly?" A thread of worry in his voice.

"He said that he acts stupid to help you." Ryuji says.

Yukio collapses. "Why didn't he say anything, why did he continue, why did he do that for me?"

Yukio stands up, clearly bothered. "I need to find Rin. I have a bad feeling." He says, but his voice cracks.

"I'll help you." Ryuji says, determination clear in his voice.

 ** _*Yes I know they never talk about that, but come on it's a huge dorm. I would think that there would be one more kitchen (no I have never lived in a dorm or even seen a dorm so I have no idea). None of the less, I wanted Rin to basically never accidentally see Yukio if Yukio tried to stalk the kitchen or something. Almost like a different building basically._**


	6. Chapter 5

TRIGGER WARNING

THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS **SELF HARM** AND **SUICIDE**!

RIN POV

I was sitting on the ledge of the dorm building. I look down and say out loud, "I wonder who would care if I jumped?" Then again me being a monster would probably save me.

I let out a dark chuckle at that thought. Who am I kidding? I am a monster who killed my own Dad. Even Yukio believes that, I mean he did say to just die. Even the exwires view me as a monster. That's all anyone has called me, a monster or a demon, and they're correct. I've wanted to kill myself for 5 years because of how people acted towards me. I mean it would be better if I wasn't here.

I know I said screw them, but I can't ignore the pain of being alone. I've had it for years and years, but their betrayal brought a whole new pain, a heavier, unmanageable pain.

I let one of my legs dangle off the side of the building as i reach into my pocket. I find what I was looking for and run it across my skin with a quick swipe. I see blood bubble out, and it slowly starts to drip. I let it run down my arm and drip onto the sidewalk below. I feel a calmness overtake me. Well it's not as much calm as a feeling of nothingness. I don't feel anything, just this blankness. And I need that feeling because when I'm like that I don't feel the pain of betrayal of loss of just general hurt. But today not even cutting helps me. I try three more deep cuts, but they don't make me happy.

I put the tool I used, a small blade, to cut myself into my pocket. Then I watch my cut hoping to feel the numbness. It slowly stops bleeding but it doesn't heal right now,it heals in a day or two. I don't feel anything from cutting. I just feel so much hurt.

I go into Yukio's side of the room. I go into the case I found and grab his gun full of holy water bullets. I go into an abandoned dorm room and lock the door. I hear Kuro clawing at the door, but I ignore it.

YUKIO POV

The exwires run with me as we go into the Dorm. I notice drops of blood on the sidewalk so I direct them to our room. 'Rin please be okay.' I say desperately in my head.

When I see the state of the room, my stomach drops. It's a mess, as if he was looking for something. Then I spot my gun case out and open. I go over to it and I see that one of the guns are missing. I feel a cold wave and my stomach drops and just stare in shock for a moment. Then I start shaking and I feel tears run down my face as the realization hits me. Rin took the gun.

Shiemi goes up to me and says gently, "What is it Yuki-chan?"

"We need to find Rin right now." I say shakily. "He has one of my guns."

Everyone looks at me with a face of shock and horror of what I'm implying.

We all start to scramble, looking for Rin. All the sudden I hear Kuro whining and I hear a bang.

We race to the source, an unused dorm room. I try the door but it's lock. I don't think of anything else, I just kick down the door.

I drop to my knees over what I see. I see Rin lying on the floor face down in blood lifeless. All the sudden Mephesto puffs in, with his usual pink glitter puff. But I pay no attention to him, instead all my attention is on Rin.

"Mr. Okumura." I faintly hear Mephesto say, but I don't allow myself to respond. It feels like all my stars have disappeared. Rin guided me, he was the last of my family. And now I am alone all because of me. I pushed- I get pulled out of my thoughts by someone hitting my head. I see an umbrella not that far away from my head.

"Now I have your attention." He says. Then he does his whole, "eins zwei drei" thing and in a poof of smoke Rin's body is gone and all the blood is cleaned up. " I look at him outraged.

"How could you do that?! You had no right to take the body."I yell.

"Well who else would take care of it? You? You couldn't even take care of Rin." Mephisto says matter of fact tone. "And I am still the legal guardian of Rin Okumura ." He adds on.

I don't say anything back. It felt like a slap in the face for him to say that. But he is right, I was to watch him. But instead I blamed him, acted cold towards him, and straight up yelled at am I kidding, I was terrible to him.

"Why are you here?" I ask in a defeated tone.

"Because I felt his presence disappear." Mephisto says.

He then says, "See you later." and poofs away. That surprises me because usually leaves in a very flamboyant way, then again he knows how serious this is.

I look at all that's left, the gun that he used. It has, by this point, dried blood on it. I pick up the gun and say out loud, "Rin I'm sorry I treated you so badly. But I won't let you be forgotten. I promise to become the best Exorcist I can. Every day I will do it in the name of you." I say, resolve behind it.

I may sound better but honestly I still feel this emptiness inside me. I feel alone, sad, and distant from this moment, like it's just a dream. But I know it's not a dream, this is real life.

 **It has been a fun ride. But I knew from the start this was how it would end. I planned the story around that. But look out for the conclusion of this story, so there's one more chapter to go. But _who knows what it'll be about_** **;)**


	7. The End?

Rin Pov

Where am I? Am I in purgatory for what I did? All I see is strange surroundings all around me. There is a rough light brown dirt all around a blood red sky, a dark castle in the distance, and a pool of water near me.I look at my reflection through the water and I am shocked at how I look. No longer can I pass as human in this strange world. My eyes are pure red, my head now has curled horns, and I have blue flames wrapped around my back, almost like wings. I also notice long claws on my hand, longer than before. My ears are sharper and longer, my teeth are even sharper, my vision is even better than before. It feels like I was looking through dirty glasses before compared to now. I can see more details in the dirt, in the air, just in my surroundings around me.

Someone goes up to me. They look kind of like me. With red eyes, long claws, longer and sharper ears, pale skin, they look similar to me. But they have red, flaming hair, smaller horns, and red fire on their back like how mine looks.

"Brother," he says, "I finally meet you."

"Who are you, and why do you call me your brother?"

""Because I'm you brother, Iblis." He says, looking kind of surprised.

My stomach drops because the one thing I do remember from Cram school are the 8 Demon kings, and Iblis is the king of fire. "Where am I?" I ask him hesitantly.

"In Gehenna." He says then adds on, "Follow me. We are going to greet Father, after all He has been trying for quite some time to get you. Oh and if you try and resist I will use force."

I try and run away, but I don't get far before I feel something hit my head. All I see is darkness.

When I wake up, I see myself in a bedroom. But it's different from any bedroom I've been in. It looks luxurious. The covers feel smooth, the bed is soft, and the bed is beautiful with gold looking bed posts.

I get up and step out of the room. I see a demon. It is a humanoid demon with short horns and a blond tail. I try and walk away quietly but he notices me and grab my arm. He leads me to a giant door. He knocks and a voice says, "Come in."

I enter and I see one thrones. The throne holds a person who looks like me, jet black hair, bright blue eyes with red in the middle, and a sleek body.

"Hello my Son Rin" He says. And I realize that he's Satan.


End file.
